GLORIOUS QUOTATIONS: A sample of funny mistakes made by students  of English * With all due respect to all those who ever try to learn a new language!!!  Gap filling Definitions Assorted What the hell do they mean? Translation But at least they try…

GAP FILLING

• Susan boiled the rest of her family not to spread the news around.   Effective !

• The eye is the part of your body where you wear your watch.  The tricky part is how to fasten it around the eyeball.

• The children put on their body and went to bed. Does Michel Jackson know about this?

• In a formal party you should wear a suit and a bird around your neck.   Dead or alive?

• In a formal party you should wear a suit and a clock around your neck. Grandfather, please!!!

• In a formal party you should wear a suit and a case around your neck.  ??????!!!

• Wallets are the biggest living mammals. They live in the sea.  Of course. Money doesn’t grow on trees.

• Elephants are the biggest living mammals. They live in the sea.  Yeah, right. Pink ones as well

• Please raise your mouth if you want to ask a question.   Instructions, please?

• A kitten is an electrical item you use for boiling water  Animal rights now!!!

• As a typical Londoner you are someone who gets the tube, holds on doors, smells at strangers… sure is not SNIFF?

• That new holiday resort offers lots of flies for both children and young adults. Can’t believe there’s no extra charge for this.

• A traditional Christmas meal always includes rude  turkey. but after a few hours in the oven the bird usually shuts up and calms down

DEFINITIONS 

• Metal container where you can fry eggs, bacon, etc.   Frying pain
• You wear those when you are in bed:  Dressing gum
• You put it on top of your trousers to keep them up.  Onions
• You put it on top of your trousers to keep them up   Shark
• Place in the kitchen where you can bake or cook food at a very high temperature: Microowner
• Place in the kitchen where you can bake or cook food at a very high temperature: Microwee
• Any animal you keep at home for company: Dad    
• The way you describe a room where everything is on the floor and out of its place: Wonderful
• These are usually worn to protect your hands from the cold: Gums

MISCELLANEOUS/ ASSORTED 

• Opposite of handsome: handany

• Opposite of generous: rat

• Opposite of wealthy: Poorthy

• Some people are afraid of dogs from early childwood  yes, and they stick to that feeling of fear for years!

• I prefer living in a quiet neighbour  you parasite!

• I don’t want my flat has central eating   what’s wrong with ‘aving that in your ‘ouse?

• He would really like to overweight less than he actually does.  Great Expectations…

• This crossroads is dangerous: Many children have been making it with a vehicle here. obscene…!

• You can take these dictionaries with you, but don’t forget to put them on tomorrow.  it’ s all the rage now

• (Ending of a formal letter):

• Your sincerity,   (signature)             P.S. My address is upstairs

• And as a first disease, I prepared an onions soup.  Yum! deadly!

• I don’t like lamb, and neither do the chicken.    Birds… Always so fussy

• (talking about politics) people are preservative. lemon? Strawberry?

• It was built in 1924 by the Romans   Tut-tut…. don’t they know Romans were not invented until 1930?

• The city has an international airport with 150.000 flies from all around the world. lots of air traffic, I guess

• The waiter served us the main curses before the starters. you belong with the onion soup, you

• We waited for 30 minutes to start eating the first disk.  I would , tool

• In most supermarkets you can get a troll to carry the things for you. that’s exploitation of a minority, innit?

• I tried to warm they, they wouldn’t listen

• Tom will be wearing a T-shit and a blue coat.    Talk of style!

•  (In a pub) “People under 18 won’t be serviced”  of course, it’s illegal

• We didn’t go to munch places because we didn’t have the time.  Nor were you hungry enough…

• In Italy we visited many places : The Tower of Pizza…   travel broadens the stomach

• One day at break time, one of my classmates walked over me and told me he wanted to be my friend.

• They prefer Saint Clause going to their houses  grammar for Christmas???

• Descripción de persona: “He isn’t a motorbike.” indeed, indeed…

•  …going to a single sex-school  ah! – the power of punctuation…

• I said I wanted music but not this volume. Can you turd it down?  (this one is a masterpiece!!!) 

WHAT THE HELL DO THEY MEAN?

• “Is true, the country India is a great mysterious and also enjoy.  For me is similar side left brain.”

• ...boring things like sailing the clothes.

• While he ran he fell off a necklace of gold, but he stole very jewels much.

• He has to rescue his friends, who are in the water apologizing

• She carried the mind to the kitchen 

TRANSLATION 

• They wanted to have a little chat = Querían tomarse un chato.

• She was from a family of means = Era de una familia de tacaños.

BUT THEY TRY… 

• He wakes up at seven  and firstable he’s a breakfar.

• The year, happyberday in 18 febraury 1982

• …the lifestyle of Briticians…

• I am in United Kingdong

• This hiliday I going to Inglish to can speak Inglish best

• The gardens are very green and bigs and with flowers a lot of colours and making pictures stupends.

• I want a twingle room.   

SPANGLISH or ENGPANISH?

Todos cometemos errores y aprendemos de ellos. Aquí presentamos con mucho cariño algunos de los más graciosos... 

Compositions 

4º Curso 99-00

• I was wearing a gold clock

• I gave my bag to Jane. When I returned, she had passed away and my bag too

• She worked as an air hostel

• Nowadays you can sit on a chair in your living room and control all your house with just one bottom

2º Curso 99-00

• My brother´s got a very large eyelash

• The sun is a lot of times sunny

• John Bon Jovi is some hand

• He is well-known in every world

• Tom Cruise is married to Nicole Kidman, another actor. He is very pretty too

• After lunch I like shitting on my sofa (Yuck!)

3º Curso 00-01

• In the 18^th century many buildings had an erection in Madrid (Must have been quite a sight)

4º Curso 00-01

• We are terribly sad because we will be able to go to the christening of your baby (Why lie?)

• We couldn´t believe it,the streets were crowded and we were being mugged! So we had to give them our wallets, clocks and ears

• I was very upset: it was raining a lot and I wasn´t wearing a parachute! (Serves you right. When it´s overcast I never go out without my hang-glider)

• There I was, at the top of the mountain, feeling so depressed that all I wanted to do was to throw myself away

• Before the fridge existed people used to keep the food in the armchair

• Before the remote control was invented, people used to put on the TV with their own hands

• I think people should be allowed to wear clothes to go to work, to some extent and depending on the job, of course (Of course!!!)

2º Curso 02-03

• I would like to go to Asturias because my ankle lives there  (That must hurt)

• I would like to stay in Ibiza about fifteen years to relax after my studies (Me too)

• This Christmas I would like to visit all my parents

2º Curso 04-05

• I like having a bath in salad water (Yuck!)

• At 12 o´clock on New Year´s Eve everybody eats twelve grapefruits (So that´s why I always end up choking?) 

4º Curso:

• (2000-01) It had been a dark day and while I was walking home, the sun fell down.
• (2002) It’s terrible when you are walking in the street and your mobile phone sounds and you have to speak with a lot of people all over you. (¡qué difícil!)

2º Curso:

• It was raining and I got wet because I wasn’t wearing my parachute. (paraguas)
• If you arrive early I’ll soap with John.
• When I was getting ready to go, the phone rang and I spoke with my mother for five minutes. Then I went out but when I opened the door I saw the heavens, it was running!  I took my umprella…
• (1997-98) I quickly got my bust on and went out with them. (claro, como son de quita y pon…)  (should be BOOTS)
• The dog caught the chicken. (took)
• The father is baking a roast beef in the furnace.
• She starts to cry but her father and children start to kiss her and she slimes at them. (aaargh!)  (should be SMILES; SLIME = moco)
• Grass (grasa) was on the cooker.

 3º Curso:

• This morning I’ve had a cup of coffee and shirts.
• My mother is on the cooker because she like cook very much.
• Boil water and throw the macaroni with salt and pepper.
• Put the macaroons in a saucepan and boil them for 10 minutes. (MACARONI)
• Mix with three other water glasses.
• Put some butter in a waiter and put the mixture in it. (¡a ver lo que dice el pobre camarero!)

Otros recopilaciones:

• I´m drinking a bear.
• A hat is something you put your head on.
• (photo of a job interview) Teacher: Are women at a disadvantage when applying for these posts for big companies?

Student (5^th year): Yes, because they could get embraced! (EMBARAZADAS) (Belén)

• Vocabulary quiz: your husband’s mother is your….. (enemy!) (Pilar Castro)

And last but not least…

• Many buildings in Madrid had erection in 18^th century.